So your boyfriend or girlfriend finally left you?
Or maybe you were the one that left them
Whatever. It happens
Not all relationships work out. In fact most people end up marrying maybe their second, third or fourth love.
So what happens now?
For the majority of people who parted fairly well (no breaking of furniture or heads and no ‘caught in the act’ cheating), the relationship sometimes ends with these words:
“We can still be friends”
But most times this is rather difficult to do, isn’t it? I mean, you dated this person. So being ‘just friends’ with them I assume would be difficult.
But even with that, I have heard people claim to be ‘good friends’ with their exes, even after one or both of them is married.
So what do you think?
Is this s good idea or a disaster just waiting to happen?
My opinion – it depends.
First off, I don’t mind being friends with an ex especially if we were close friends before we dated. The only thing would be to keep the relationship at arm’s length especially if there is the risk of any fading sparks smoldering into life once again.
But then again, what is the point of remaining friends with them? Is there not the likelihood that you would resent any new relationships they have after you? Or maybe there may be times when you would compare them with your present relationships.
You have to be realistic (and shine your eyes on this one!).
Remaining friends with someone you dated is kind of complicated. You can have many arguments for why you want to remain friends with them but you need to weigh things up very well: do you really need the complication of that friendship?
*shaking head reflecting*
So here are two options I would suggest in terms of being friends with an ex:
If you want to remain friends with an ex, give it a bit of time before you rush into friendship with them. The longer you dated and the more involved the relationship was, the more you should wait.
Starting a friendship too early may lead to one or two things you don’t want to get into especially if you still love and miss them.
In the minds of many who just broke up, the way to move on goes something like this:
- Tell them you still want to be friends
- Hook up with them every now and then
- You remain ‘tight’ friends and your new date will certainly understand
It’s a beautiful model, except for one teensy-weensy little insignificant problem:
It does not work out quite like that!
If and when you start a friendship with your ex, it must be just that: friendship only. And be sure to let your new date know about it (Hmmm, some people would argue against this!) because that will help you stay accountable and hopefully not do anything you won’t be proud to tell mama.
And for heaven’s sake, please but don’t always mention their names to your date –‘Stephen did this, Stephen said that (that sort of thing).
And in case you are naïve (which I don’t think you are), please be aware that your new date may not like the idea of you being friends with your ex and if you handle this badly, you may lose them both.
So if you are one of those who thinks they can babble about their ex and think their current date will be okay with it?
Not. Going. To. Happen.
Again, I’m not trying to be mean. Just telling you what I thinks.
Make a clean break and cut off all relations with your ex. If you run into them be nice and friendly. But don’t take the friendship any further.
This works quite nicely as well!
Both options work very well deepening on the particular circumstances of your breakup.
Yes, I think being friends with your ex is possible as long as you are sure you are in it just for the friendship….
And nothing else.
Are you friends with your ex or not? How is it working out for you? Please share with us in the comments box. Someone might learn something.